Feelings Are Best Shared
by Arashi Nao
Summary: Because feelings are something that should be never kept a secret. It is Valentine's Day after the Hunt, and Irina's feelings are once more after her to haunt her. Can Alistair prove her there is still a life for her to live? I suck at summaries so please read, and HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! V Rated T to be safe. (also, this is a rather long one-shot:3)


**Lol I know it is not Valentine's Day yet but I won't have time to upload tomorrow morning. So get a super cute Alistair x Irina story for the 2015's Valentine's Day!**

**I have worked on this story for a week, aaaand it is pretty long! (around 3000 words actually^^; ) but I hope you read and like it!**

**At first I had a humorous story in mind but this week had been pretty hard and I vented my anger on this story, making it a quiiiiite dramatical one-shot:) but it has a happy ending don't you worry^^**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy, and please review!**

**The 39 Clues: Happy Valentine's Day!**

Valentine's Day.

For Irina Spasky, it was the worst day of the year, and for two reasons. The first one was, well, obviously, the point of the day. A day about lovers. How _nonsense. _The second reason was that it was her birthday as well. For the past sixteen years, she had been regretting the fact she was alive, so her birthday just made her disconsolation more obvious.

So Irina had double the reason to hate the 14th of February.

But whatever she did, she knew she could not evade the day. So she decided that she could actually make herself _useful _to someone, at least for once.

The thought occurred to her first thing when she woke up in the morning. She looked at Alistair, who was still sleeping peacefully next to her. She caught herself thinking that, since the Clue Hunt had ended, she and Alistair had been particularly close. She blushed upon the thought and wondered how she had let herself lose her concentration even so slightly. She had sworn she'd never love again. Not even feel the slightest, not even as friendship only.

Then again, love was one of the things she wished they'd knock the door before coming, but they didn't, they just came in.

The other thing that did this was, well, Isabel Kabra. And more frequently that love did.

She turned her head and looked at Alistair. He was snoring softly and his breath was stable. She decided that doing something for him for once would not be so bad. After all, he had been doing everything for her, even though she never even asked. But he still did it.

She quietly got up and got dressed in a black tracksuit and a dark grey shirt. Despite it was the 14th of February, it was quite a warm day in Seoul.

She wondered how she should start. First things first, she should probably make breakfast for Alistair. Despite she was the one to always wake up first, he was the one that always made breakfast, and did not let her help him, not even if she started threatening him if he didn't accept her assistance. So probably this was a good chance for her to repay him.

She remembered Alistair liked coffee mixed with hot chocolate. So she made some hot chocolate and mixed it with what -she hoped- was the right amount of French coffee. Then she set it on the table for Alistair, and proceeded on making him his favourite sandwich. After finishing that too, she drunk her own coffee quickly, and then went to wake up Alistair.

Entering the room, she hesitated. But she brushed this feeling aside and sat next to him, on the edge of the bed. Placing her hand in his shoulder, she shook him lightly. ''Hey, Alistair. I believe it is time to wake up.'' She murmured, desperately trying to make her voice sound less harsh and cold.

Alistair moaned, and opened his brown eyes a little, to look at her. ''Mm, morning dear.'' He whispered and slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes.

Irina instinctively jolted away and stood up when Alistair made a move to put his arms around her shoulders. He looked at her and chuckled.

''What is the matter?'' he lightly asked, causing her to blush a crimson red colour.

''I believe you should come to the kitchen now.'' She muttered, embarrassed, and exited the room. Alistair washed his face and got dressed, and then followed her.

He found her sitting next to the window, looking outside, her gaze lost somewhere in the sky. The slight sunlight was illuminating her slender frame. He smiled.

''Irina?''

She jolted and looked at him. ''Here.'' She nodded towards the table, where the breakfast she had prepared for him.

He smiled brightly at her and held her hand. ''That is a nice surprise my darling, thank you. But won't you eat anything?'' he asked, his voice velvet.

''I... I drunk some coffee earlier. I am not any hungry.'' She said quietly, not daring to look at him. He sighed and made her sit next to him. She reluctantly did so.

''Eat. Tell me if you liked it.'' Her words were more like orders a soldier would throw to another, rather than a gentle encouragement, but Alistair saw behind them, saw her actual feelings, the fear of his rejection, or, in a more positive outcome, the anticipation of his delight.

He sipped a little out of the coffee-chocolate Irina had made him. It tasted awfully bitter, but he swallowed and tried to hide it behind a smile.

''Irina, it is really nice!'' he said.

Unfortunately for him, he had since his slight wince before he smiled. ''You didn't like it.'' She muttered, her glare icy and emotionless. Or, no, not emotionless. Now that Alistair looked at it better, it was quite angry and disappointed.

''N-No, dear, it is nice-''

''No need to lie to me. I can see you are disgusted. Now if you will excuse me...'' she got up abruptly and got her coat.

''Irina, where are you going?!''

''Out. I may or may not come back.'' She hissed and got out, slamming the door behind her.

Alistair sighed and leaned back in his chair. He hated himself for admitting it, but the coffee was indeed horrible. He just hoped he hadn't hurt her feelings too much. It was rare to see her doing a kind act towards him –towards _anyone_\- after all, and he just wished he could thank her for even the act of doing something for him.

He wondered why her temper was so bad today anyway. But then he happened to look at the calendar, hanging ominously from a pin, in the kitchen's wall, like mocking him. Upon gazing involuntarily on the date, his eyes widened and he sprang up to his legs in shock.

'_DAMMIT!'_

He paced around, almost throwing his phone down in frustration.

'_I forgot it is Valentine's Day AND her birthday! IDIOT! That must be the reason she is angry with me after all! The fact that even I, who have told her so many times that I will be here for her, forgot her own birthday. Oh God, I need to call her and apologise...' _

He dialled Irina's number as fast as humanly possible it was, but even though he waited after twenty _beeps, _Irina did not pick it up. He sighed and hung up, quite worried. He looked out of the window, inspecting the dark, ominous clouds that hung over the lively city of Seoul. Soon, a downpour would break, which was quite normal in February. Alistair could only hope Irina would take care of herself if the rain started to fall...

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Irina was sitting alone on a bench, in a park she usually went with Alistair. She had been sitting there for at least three hours, but she still didn't feel like going back. She didn't even know if she would go back to Alistair's house after all. Maybe it would be a good time for her to return to Russia, and continue her life as it was before the Clue Hunt even started.

She sighed. She had forgot how it was to be completely alone, all those four month she had spent with Alistair. But maybe it was better just going back to it now, before it would hurt her more.

She had put what had remained of her destroyed trust on Alistair. He had been behaving so nicely to her, every single day. He had made her believe that maybe, there was still a reason for her to exist in this world. But this day he had lost all her trust. She didn't know why it hurt her so much that Alistair forgot her birthday AND had been oblivious to the fact she tried to show her um... attraction to him for Valentine's Day. But the fact that that it had hurt her too much to bear. She just wanted to die. To end this constant misery that had been going on for almost 17 years.

She hid her face in her hands, but she did not cry. Her tears had just dried, after so many years of crying.

It started to rain, soon after. The raindrops were thick, heavy and cold, so cold. Irina shivered and wrapped her coat around her the best she could, leaning back on the bench and closing her eyes. A weak sob shot through her body but tears still did not come out.

She stood up, her legs trembling. Slowly, like a ghost, she took the path right in front of her, not caring where it led. She just wanted to go away, away of all her problems, away of her own life, yes, even from life. She didn't care how. She just wanted to _leave..._

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_At seven o'clock in the afternoon..._

It was still raining cats and dogs.

Irina had yet to come back or answer her phone.

Alistair had searched the whole day for her, had circled almost half the city, but had not found her. He had asked everyone who could possibly have seen her, but no one was aware of anyone like her.

He looked at the thick, leather-bound book placed neatly in Irina's side of the bed. He had bought it for her when he got out to find her, but now he was worried he might actually never have the chance to give it to her.

He sighed and stood up. That was it, he was going out again, and this time he swore he would find her.

Getting in his car, he pondered of where he could find her. He drove through the roads he had also crossed in the morning. He got out of the car and searched in the park they used to go together to watch the stars. She wasn't there.

He went near the street they first met –they also used to go there to a coffee shop. No, she wasn't there either.

He had started to get desperate, when it clicked to him.

'_That's it!'_

He quickly got in his car again, and sped off, heading towards the cemetery near the suburbs of the city. Irina liked a small park next to it. She said it was peaceful, even though it made Alistair freak out a little. For some reason, he had that unmistakable feeling he would find her there.

He stopped the car outside the small park and got out, not even caring to take an umbrella with him. As quietly as he could –he truly felt a little unsafe, being next to a graveyard so late at night, and with this downpour-, he proceeded in the small trail of white pebbles on the ground. Soon, he was between the trees, thing that protected him a little from the rain.

Alistair narrowed his eyes and looked around him. His glare immediately landed on something or _someone, _on a stone bench under the trees...

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Irina felt someone touching her gently in the shoulder, then in the sides, but she didn't even dare to move. She didn't know if it was someone who happened to find her, and just wanted to check if she was dead, or if it was someone who just wanted to move her away.

''Irina? Irina, can you hear me?''

She cringed in the sound of Alistair's voice. She wasn't exactly sure if it was really him, or if she was hallucinating, but again, she dared not making a move. Besides, she was so cold, and curling up as she had was the only way to preserve some warmth, even a slight bit.

''Irina, please! Say something!''

He sounded terrified. He probably believed something had happened to her, and this was why she did not respond. Not that he didn't have a point. She felt stiff and knew she would be unable to move if she needed too. She wondered if she could even talk.

Irina opened her eyes a slit to look at him, but, inside the veil of raindrops falling mercilessly around them, she could not see.

''Alistair...?'' she barely moved her lips, and wondered if he had managed to hear her. Immediately, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in a loving embrace. Instinctively, she cringed inside his arms, craving for some warmth. Without realizing it, she let out a choked sob. He held her tightly.

''Shh... I am here now. I won't let you go.'' Alistair whispered next to her ear.

''I... I am sorry... I got... you... into trouble...'' Irina managed to whisper weakly. She coughed, feeling waves of pain in her chest and lungs as she did so. Alistair hushed her again.

''Don't worry about it. I am just happy I found you. But you are soaked to the bone, my dear. Here, let me take you to the car, and we will be back home before you know it.'' He said calmly and helped her stand up. Irina felt her knees giving in under her weight and she would have fallen down, if it wasn't for Alistair, who tightly held her and kept her standing, even though barely.

He gently picked her up in his arms and carried her to his car. When they got there, he slowly set her in the seat next to this one of the driver, and covered her with his own coat.

''Here, it will keep you at least a bit warm, until we get home.'' He said protectively as he sat in front of the steering wheel. Irina did not give any sort of reply, she just fluttered her eyelids a little.

Alistair sped off as fast as he could, knowing Irina needed some warmth, and soon.

To Irina, who had almost lost touch with the surroundings due to her exhaustion, it seemed like seconds to arrive back in Alistair's house. To Alistair, however, it felt like ages, even though it had been less than fifteen minutes.

Once they arrived, he carried her to their bed and brought a bunch of towels.

She had somewhat recovered, so she was able to get hold of the towels and dry herself, even with great effort.

Alistair brought her dry tracksuit pants and a sweater. ''I guess you would like me to get out so you can change, right?'' he asked her lightly, holding her cold hands into his. She nodded tiredly, but did not utter a single world.

As Alistair got out, Irina changed clothes slowly, as she could not move fast. She could barely even lift her arms and legs, and she certainly was unable to stand up completely, so it took her around ten minutes to change. When she finally did it, she let out an exhausted yelp and lied down.

''Can I come in?'' Alistair's voice echoed out of the room.

''Da...'' she wasn't even sure he heard her. He probably came in because he did not hear her, and was worried because he thought something happened to her.

With her eyes closed, she felt him sitting next to her, and slowly picking him up in his arms. She looked at him.

''I am sorry...'' she whispered. Instead of a reply, he leaned in and kissed her forehead.

''It was all my fault. I should apologise. And for doing this, I have this gift for you.'' He said calmly and slipped something inside her hands. It was thick and hard, and it seemed to her unimaginably heavy. She felt its surface with her numb fingertips and realized it was smooth and cool in the touch. She managed to open her eyes a little and look at it. It was a book, but she could not see the title.

Despite that, she turned her head and smiled at Alistair a little, tears threatening to well up in her eyes.

''Spaciba... thank you. It is... very... nice...'' she whispered.

Alistair lay her down on the bed and covered her shivering body with a thick blanket. Then he lied beside her and wrapped his arms around her slender frame. She curled her body up in his arms and almost immediately, she started slipping inside a deep slumber.

However, his voice awakened her a few minutes later. ''Irina I... I need to tell you.'' He said quietly.

She dared opening her icy blue eyes a little. ''W-What is it?''

''Well, there are two things... first one is... I love you. I am in deep love with you, my darling...'' Alistair said quietly. Irina felt her heart beating rapidly. She just gripped her hands on Alistair's shoulder, and buried her face in his chest.

''I... I love you too, Alistair. I know you always thought I am emotionless and cold, and that I could never have feelings for anyone, after what happened with Nikolai. But I do have feelings Alistair. I am sorry I hid them for so long... I guess that, today was a punishment for my foolish actions.'' Irina whispered in shame. Alistair just hugged her, not saying a thing.

Irina was the one to break the silence, three minutes later. ''What was this second thing you wanted to tell me?'' she asked silently.

Alistair sighed deeply. ''Well... I wanted to apologise for forgetting your birthday. I was such an idiot. So, um, I thought it is a good time to tell you... Happy birthday, my darling Irina.'' He took another deep breath. ''And I should also give you your birthday present too.'' He added.

''Alistair, this book was more than enou-'' he cut her off by pressing his lips over hers gently and wrapping his arms around her waist in a tender, loving way.

And Irina could only kiss him back and wonder why she had hated Valentine's Day for so many years.

It was such a nice day after all.

THE END

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**Um, so yeah, I just hope it was at least a bit touching, and that the end sounded even a little funny^^; **

**I hope you liked it! And don't forget...**

**HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! (I don't have a boyfriend or anything but meh, I can always be happy:))~~~**

**Katja~**


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